Posts Tagged ‘Other’
Wacky Definitions
Wacky Definitions
Gravity: Not just a good idea, it’s the law!
Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance.
Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.
Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning “tone deaf”.
Opera: Where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it.
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
“Normal”: A setting on a washing machine.
Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.
Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Sleep: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.
Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.
Witlag: The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke.
Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.
The scientific side of sexuality
Dr. William Struthers explaining the scientific side of sexuality. Get the Link here.
Rapid Promotion
The boss called one of his employees into the office.
“Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?”
“Thanks,” said the employee.
“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”
“I suppose not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.
The Interpretation List:
The Tension on you=Is His Strength Upon
To Believe Him=Is To Live
Rehearse Truth=The Starting Place
Pray about it =Is to Release It!
Your Talents=God’s Gifts for you alone
To Love=Is to Make All things work for good.
Joy=To Occupy my Real State
Think as It=Become as It. Careful what you dwell on
Favor upon you=Capacity to Sacrifice
Faith=Declaration of what I know
Dream about His word=Judge Him Faithful
Family=God’s dream from the beginning
A Burden=An opportunity
Personality=Unique Features of every human
Mature=Know how to Love + To Love
True Smile=Peace of God from within
To Forgive=To Release Them.
God is in a good mood!!!
caption by Stephen W. Oachs.
Laws Of Life
Laws of Life
* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.
* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
10 Most Wanted
Little Sammy’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, “The 10 Most Wanted.”
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman, “the detectives want him very badly.”
So Little Sammy asked, while tugging on the man’s belt, “Um, mister, why didn’t you keep them when you took their pictures?”
caption by Daily HaHa.
Cybersalt.
The Scandal of Love…
Walking down the street
Remembering your tender words
Clinging to the light of yours,
Sinking in your eyes forever
Melting in the sweet journey
I am whispered of thy beauty once more
Once more as I seat on the bench I listen
Reading your story grasping as I dream of
Is there such a love?
Is there such a beauty?
…And He reaches them all who failed
And He embraces the collectors of belongings
And He touch the untouchable, with love
And He gave light to those in darkness
…And He spoke of perfection as it is
And He taught on Majesty
And He opened a way closed before
And He was just the Master of Love within
…As He walk my eyes were astonish
My heart turns violently inside
My steps want to run toward freedom
My hands want to be encircle by His Mercy
Yes, I’m no perfect
Either I pursue complacency
Since I know how scandalous His kind of Love is
All I want is to walk with Him my journey
Not, I’m not pure
Either I pursue sympathy
Because I had learn the Beauty that sink my eyes in Him
And He never ends, He is forever indeed
I need this scandalous love
The love around
The love within
The love that has being birth
…since I behold His Beauty
NO other than the Lord, No other than Him alone.
caption by The Lens Flare.
The Difference Between Men & Woman
Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then, there is silence in the car.
To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer…Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Martha is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Fred is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Fred is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…
“Fred,” Martha says aloud.
“What?” says Fred, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…oh dear, I feel so…”(She breaks down, sobbing.)
“What?” says Fred.
“I’m such a fool,” Martha sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Fred.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Martha says.
“No!” says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that…it’s that I…I need some time,” Martha says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
“Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Fred.
“That way about time,” says Martha.
“Oh,” says Fred. “Yes.” (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
“Thank you, Fred,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?”
And that’s the difference between men and women.
Hurts to Touch
One day, a goober was constantly complaining about how everywhere she touched her body, it hurt.
Her grandma told her to go and see a doctor.
Once there, the goober explained to the doctor how everywhere she touched, it hurt.
She said… “If I touch here, it hurts, if I touch my arm, it hurts, if I touch my foot, if I …”
The doctor gave her a complete physical and then delivered his findings.
Her finger was broken.
Forsaking the Nets!!!
Walking down the street I remember my dreams
The ones that you sown in my heart from the beginning
Then I stop and realize that I must run those pearls
Then I realize I must run the other way
I came back to my place and make my bags ready
I packed just enough to run after my desires
They’re not just mine but from the King’s heart
All I guard to give glory to whom makes me alive
I left all behind with all those glories that began to fade
Time is now to search for that Joy I saw there
To walk into whom I am in my extravagant days
Those that you’ve promised from the redemption day
I pack the clothes, books, and no memories
I look into the future with every glimpse of gladness
I just look at your countenance every time I walk
Now almost ready to unfold your awesome wonders
I see a future where I can shout your name for all you did
I see a future full of stories to tell from my path at your side
I see a future like never before I dreamed
I see even better when thinking from your heart
Tell me more
Tell me more
Tell me more
Tell me more…My God
Rushing like the wind full of hopes that you spoke about
And you can even go beyond my wildest dwellings
My thoughts can not stand alone but with my peace and passion
Full of adventures is my eyesight waiting for
My God, My God, I know you have it all!!
Peeling the orange's Blog 
Happiness, an Inside Job. Felicidad, un Trabajo Interior.
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If you have a leaky facet in your house so you cut the lawn, take the garbage out and sweep the driveway,
it won’t solve the leak. Doing the wrong thing faster, better or with kingdom values will not solve the problem.
Trying to solve an inside problem by working outside is just a dumb idea.
Happiness is an inside job! If you are unhappy on the inside nothing you do on the outside will solve it….
People are often under the illusion that they will be happy when; they get married, pay off their debt, get their
degree, win that competition, have children, write that book or move to a certain city etc…But the truth is that
internal problems can not be fixed with external solutions.
Many marriages are destroyed by this illusion; Johnny doesn’t make me happy. After 15 years of marriage Mary still doesn’t turn me on. NO ONE can make you happy! It is humanly impossible to make someone happy.Whenever we make our happiness the responsibility of a person, accomplishment or a possession; we have just created an idol. The saddest part of all this is that this misplaced responsibility only takes us deeper down the road of emptiness.
The kingdom of God is not eat or drink but righteous, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Living guilt free,
peaceful and happy is only obtain by cultivating a deep relationship with the Holy Spirit. Our inner God void can never be filled from a outside source any more than your leak in your facet can be solved by cutting your lawn. Happiness is n inside job and only someone who lives in the house can solve the issues that reside there. Get happy and then live it out loud!
Si tu tienes un caño que esta goteando en tu casa y tu cortas el grass de tu jardin, sacas la basura y trapeas el estacionamiento, eso no resolvera la gotera. Haciendo lo equivocado de forma mas rapida, mejor o con valores del reino no resolvera el problema. Tratar de resolver un problema interior trabajando desde afuera es una idea tonta. La Felicidad es un trabajo interior! Si tu eres infeliz en el interior nada que hagas desde afuera lo resolvera…La gente esta siempre bajo la ilusion de que ellos seran felizes cuando; ellos se casen, pagen todas sus deudas, obtengan su titulo, ganen la competencia, tengan hijos, escriban ese libro o se muden a una cierta ciudad etc… Pero la verdad es que los problemas interiores no pueden ser reparados con soluciones externas.
Muchos matrimonios son destruidos por esta ilusion; Juancito no me hace feliz. Despues de 15 años de matrimonio Maria no me enciende. NADIE puede hacerte feliz! Es humanamente imposible el hacer a alguien feliz. Cuando sea que nosotros hacemos nuestra felicidad la responsabilidad de una persona, logro, o una posecion; nosotros hemos creado un idolo. La parte triste de todo es que esta responsabilidad puesta equivocadamente solo nos lleva mas abajo hacia la ruta del vacio total.
El Reino de Dios no es el comer y el beber pero la justicia, paz y gozo en el Espiritu Santo. Vivir fuera de culpa, en paz y feliz solo es obtenido cultivando una profunda relacion con el Espiritu Santo. Nuestro vacio interno de Dios nunca puede ser reemplazado por un medio externo como tampoco una gotera en tu caño puede ser resuelto por cortar el grass de tu jardin. La Felicidad es un trabajo interior y solo alguien que vive en la casa puede resolver los asuntos que residen ahi. Se feliz y luego vivelo al maximo!
From KVMinistries.com
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Written by peelingtheorange
March 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Posted in Furious Love
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