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Archive for the ‘Giggles’ Category

Know Your Friends

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One day, a little boy visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage the boy’s arm.

“I think you’d better bandage the other arm, doc!”, said the boy.

“But, why? I’m supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it.”

“Doc, you really don’t know anything about how my friends behave!”

Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

August 31, 2011 at 12:21 am

Posted in Giggles

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Wacky Definitions

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Wacky Definitions

Gravity: Not just a good idea, it’s the law!

Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance.

Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning “tone deaf”.

Opera: Where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it.

Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.

“Normal”: A setting on a washing machine.

Health: The slowest possible rate of dying.

Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Sleep: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.

Witlag: The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke.

Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them.

Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

May 21, 2011 at 11:41 am

Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 Years To Learn

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1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

3. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

4. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

5. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

6. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

8. You should not confuse your career with your life.

9. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

10. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

May 10, 2011 at 12:20 am

Posted in Giggles

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Boys In Hospital

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The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children’s ward.

“Are you medical or surgical?” asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week.

“I don’t know what you mean,” replied the second.

“It’s simple,” replied the first.

“Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?”

Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

May 10, 2011 at 12:09 am

Posted in Giggles

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Rapid Promotion

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The boss called one of his employees into the office.

“Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?”

“Thanks,” said the employee.

“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”

“I suppose not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.

Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

May 5, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Posted in Giggles

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Work Virus

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There is a new virus going around, called “work”. If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague…DO NOT OPEN IT.

Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.

If you do encounter “work” via email or are faced with any “work” at all, to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words “Sorry…I’m off to Home Depot.” The “work” should then be automatically deleted from your brain.

If you receive “work” in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the “work” to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest cafe with two friends and order three double chocolate espressos. After repeating this action 10 times, you will find that “work” will no longer be of any relevance to you.

Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I’m afraid the “work” virus has already corrupted your life.

Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

May 5, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Posted in Giggles

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Laws Of Life

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Laws of Life

* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

10 Most Wanted

Little Sammy’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, “The 10 Most Wanted.”

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

“Yes,” said the policeman, “the detectives want him very badly.”

So Little Sammy asked, while tugging on the man’s belt, “Um, mister, why didn’t you keep them when you took their pictures?”

caption by Daily HaHa.
Cybersalt.

Written by peelingtheorange

April 21, 2011 at 1:39 am

Posted in Giggles

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